Betrayal, Denial and Love
by angelfishlex
Summary: Murphy copes with the impending loss of someone he loves as she looks back on her bond with him. SPOILERS for my other BDS stories! Please read and review if you've read my previous Boondock stories! One-shot!


**_AN: I know ya'll are getting sick of all these random BDS one-shots, but I just got sudden inspiration after watching the film "Sunlight Jr". I had to write this Murphy centric one-shot! Enjoy and please review!_**

_Dani's POV:_

Connor and Murphy are two sides of the same coin. One simply cannot exist without the other. The MacManus brothers would do anything for one another and I, as well as anyone else, knew that fact to be true.

To this day, I cannot help but still feel the guilt for having Murphy keep the biggest secret of our lives from Connor. There was no real excuse acceptable for such a deception between two brothers who were so close. And by some miracle, Murphy didn't even lash out at me when I made the desperate plea to him, to keep the babies growing within me from Connor's knowledge.

I still recall that dark evening in the tiny motel room. The way his jaw clenched with silent disbelief and fury, emotions he was trying so hard to conceal in order to not scare me with his temper.

When he and I stared long and hard at the pregnancy test, I could see in those deep blue eyes of his that he's trying to figure out what the hell he was seeing. The sharp way he inhaled and exhaled short breaths of exasperation. His fists tight and tense and shaking…

I had waited for the accusing words in that usually soft-spoken, playful voice…

_You stupid bitch! How could you fucking do this to us?! The last thing we need is a little brat crying all the time! _

But, I knew Murphy would never be that cruel. Instead, he allowed me to cry in his arms, holding me in an embrace of brotherly protection rather than passionate intimacy.

I knew in that moment Murphy loved and supported me with all his heart. He loved me without being _in love_ with me. I was always able to tell that distinct difference between him and Connor.

Murphy kept his anger restrained in those dark moments in the motel room as he kept vigilant watch over me. He made me lay down on that damn bed, not permitting me to so much as lift a finger since his nieces/nephews were making their home in my womb. He made me drink a ton of healthy fluids, from ice water to sweet orange juice.

As far as Murphy knew about pregnancy, the very word itself had the same definition as "delicate china doll". But, I knew he was only trying to make sure I was taken care of in such a frightening and fragile state.

Nowadays, as I feel my life flowing by, the clock ticking nearer to my end, I see the way he looks at me with those bright blue eyes. With deep sibling love, but with a dark edge, like he has a sense something is wrong about me. If he knew I was dying now, he would go into a rage against the world. I couldn't let that happen.

He's silently perceptive of my behavior on the last night of my life, and his eyes remain a brighter blue as we share our unknowingly final words together. We say goodnight as on any other evening, but he clasps me in his arms before we depart and takes a deep rumbling breath. I can hear the sob developing in his chest as I hold back my own tears.

My head pulls away from him so I can look into his eyes for the last time. His mouth is set into a firm line of anger since there's nothing that can be done about me dying. The inferno enflaming his eyes practically speak the words for him so we don't end up in a screaming match. That was what made Murphy an amazing man to me, how little words he had to form for communication, using only his facial expressions.

I knew he felt betrayed and denied that my lifeline was expiring. As a parting gesture, he kisses my forehead and squeezes my little hand in his one last time, as a silent method of begging me to not leave our family.

But, even as a Saint, he knows he can't beat Fate.

His fingers release mine of their tight hold and he turns away from me, a growl erupting from his throat. He stomps away out the door and proceeds to kick a bucket out of his way in characteristic ferocity.

As a brother, Murphy knows he was finally defeated as my protector, and he's dealing with my approaching death in his own way. He found out the hard way that the secret deal I made with God came with a price. He couldn't help or save me in any way this time. And he's too fucking stubborn to accept that I would be gone soon.

But, Murphy loved me, and that would be the last thought I would have of him before death claimed my soul and took away from the burning pain.


End file.
